Save Your Marriage from Betrayal with Evidence-Based Counseling

Is your marriage facing betrayal and trauma from relationship infidelity? Are you looking for evidence-based counseling to help save your relationship and strengthen your bond with your partner?

Healing Together: Exploring the Attune, Atone, Attach Model in the Gottman Method

Relationships are not immune to missteps, miscommunications, and even betrayals. When trust is damaged, the path to repair can feel overwhelming. The Attune, Atone, Attach model, developed within the Gottman Method framework, provides couples with a structured way to heal and rebuild intimacy. This approach emphasizes emotional connection, accountability, and renewed commitment.

What Is the Attune, Atone, Attach Model?

This three-phase process is designed to help couples navigate and repair the fallout from significant relational ruptures, such as infidelity, breaches of trust, or deep emotional disconnection. Each phase builds on the last, leading couples from understanding and repair to reconnection.

Phase 1: Attune

Goal: Rebuild emotional safety through mutual understanding and empathy.

Role of the Partner Who Was Hurt:

• Express feelings and experiences with vulnerability, using "I" statements to convey emotions without blame.

• Share specific impacts of the breach in trust, focusing on feelings like hurt, fear, or sadness.

Role of the Partner Who Caused the Hurt:

• Listen with empathy and without defensiveness, focusing on understanding the depth of the hurt caused.

• Acknowledge and validate the hurt partner's feelings, even if it’s uncomfortable.

• Avoid minimizing or justifying actions; instead, demonstrate accountability and care.

The attune phase requires both partners to develop an emotional map of the pain caused, setting the foundation for deeper repair work.

Phase 2: Atone

Goal: Take responsibility, make amends, and rebuild trust.

Role of the Partner Who Caused the Hurt:

• Offer a sincere, heartfelt apology that acknowledges the pain caused without excuses.

• Be specific about what went wrong, demonstrating a clear understanding of the breach and its impact.

• Commit to concrete actions to prevent similar mistakes, showing a willingness to change.

Role of the Partner Who Was Hurt:

• Share what is needed for healing and rebuilding trust, such as transparency, boundaries, or time to process.

• Acknowledge efforts made by the partner to make amends, no matter how small.

• Gradually allow space for trust to be rebuilt, while setting clear boundaries to feel safe.

Atone is about restoring trust through accountability, humility, and consistent actions that align with apologies.

Phase 3: Attach

Goal: Rebuild intimacy and strengthen the bond.

Role of the Partner Who Caused the Hurt:

• Consistently follow through on commitments to demonstrate reliability and build trust over time.

• Invest in rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy through small, positive actions.

• Reassure the partner of their commitment to the relationship through words and actions.

Role of the Partner Who Was Hurt:

• Gradually open up to reconnect emotionally and physically when ready.

• Focus on creating shared positive experiences to foster a sense of closeness.

• Work collaboratively with the partner to define what a secure relationship looks like moving forward.

The attach phase solidifies the repair work, allowing couples to deepen their emotional connection and move forward together.

Why This Model Works

The Attune, Atone, Attach model works because it honors the depth of pain while creating a roadmap to healing. Each phase emphasizes mutual responsibility: one partner’s role in acknowledging and repairing the breach, and the other’s role in allowing space for repair and eventual reconnection. By working together, couples can transform pain into an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.

When to Seek Professional Guidance

Some relational breaches are too deep or complicated to navigate alone. A trained therapist can guide couples through this process, offering tools, strategies, and support to ensure both partners feel seen, heard, and valued.

At the Couples Healing Journey Center, we specialize in helping couples move from pain to healing using evidence-based approaches like the Gottman Method. If you’re ready to begin your journey toward repair and reconnection, contact us today. Healing is possible—and we’re here to help.